Episode 25: Changing This One Habit Can Change Your Life.

This episode, Judy and Jodi introduce a new, more personal segment focused on noticing mindset patterns as they show up in everyday life.

Judy reflects on a growing sense of mental fragmentation and self-criticism—an ongoing feeling of being behind and unable to keep up. Rather than treating this as a productivity issue, she explores the deeper story beneath it and the impact constant stimulation may be having on her focus and sense of ease.

A simple moment in a sauna, where nearly everyone was on their phones, becomes an opportunity to pause and reflect on how often quiet moments are filled with distraction. The conversation opens space to consider how frequent task-switching and constant connectivity can create mental noise and reduce presence.

Jodi shares her own experience of setting her phone down more often, noticing increased focus and a greater sense of control—along with the need to balance availability and boundaries.

Together, they discuss the value of approaching change with curiosity rather than rigidity. Judy describes a few small boundaries she’s experimenting with around phone use, framing them as an experiment rather than a solution.

The episode invites listeners to gently notice where friction exists in their own lives, what stories may be shaping their experience, and whether creating a small boundary could offer more clarity, calm, or intention.

Transcript

Jodi: [00:00:00] My biggest pet peeve is when I go out to dinner, especially if I'm with people and they pick up their phones while we are at dinner, or I look around the restaurant and every couple you see or everybody is on their phone. It's like that just can't be good for your mindset and your ability to learn how to be present for people.

Judy: Welcome to the In Your Head podcast 

Jodi: with Jodi and Judy, where we're all about helping you get out of your own way. Our focus is on your mindset and helping you remove the mental roadblocks you've created so that you can unleash your potential and get more out of life. 

Judy: Hi, I am Judy and I'm here with Jodi.

Thanks for joining us for this episode of In Your Head. We've been a little quiet lately. We took a short break to work on some other projects, but we're back. 

Jodi: It's good to be back. So in previous episodes, we gave you [00:01:00] tools and techniques to help strengthen your mindset and create better results in your life as well as in work.

In this episode, we are gonna introduce a new segment. We're gonna stay in the mindset lane, but we're gonna make it a little bit more personal. We're coming at it through the lens of what we're noticing in our own lives in real time. 

Judy: Yes, and I love this format because it's more like. Here's what it actually looks like when you catch a mindset pattern in real life.

Here's what we're catching specifically, and hopefully it helps you think about your own mindset and understand things that we can do differently. We're calling it in my head today. 

Jodi: So Judy, why don't you kick us off with something that has been showing up for you lately. 

Judy: So one thing that I noticed last week is that I have been really scattered in my brain.

For a while, not just last week, but for like maybe a couple of years. You know, it's embarrassing, but I almost feel like [00:02:00] my cognition has been slipping. My brain is fragmented, and for so long I've been telling myself this story, you know? I don't have enough time. I can't accomplish enough the things that I need to be doing.

This is like work, but also family. I have a lot of family responsibilities that have been new the past couple of years that take me off target from other things, which is fine, but you know, I've sort of been in this loop in my head. My mindset is like I can't get things done and then I start to really feel bad about myself right over time.

And so it hit me last week when I went to the gym with my son and I went into the. Sauna afterwards, I go into the sauna and I swear to you, every single person that sauna was on their phone. 

Jodi: In the sauna. 

Judy: In the sauna. And I just, at first I was shocked. I walked in and I thought, oh my gosh, I'm the only person not on a phone.

How weird. And I sat down and then I thought, my second thought was. Shoot, if I'd known it [00:03:00] would work in as sauna, I'd brought my phone too, and then I started thinking about that later. I'm like, you know what's, what's wrong with that? I mean, the thing is, what I'm recognizing is that I'm so tied to the phone as so many of us are, right?

It's the, it's the first thing I touch in the morning. It's the last thing I touch before I go to sleep at night, and I'm checking email all day long, even though I don't need to. It's sort of like that dopamine. Kind of rush, right? I'm, I'm checking things as so-and-so responded. Do I get a text, have I gotten an email?

You know, oh, let me play this game, right, whatever it is. Killing time at the stoplight, you know, killing time in the grocery line. And what I've come to realize is that's causing, I think, some of my loss of cognition. I think that's causing some of the fragmentation in my brain where I can't get things done because I'm constantly task shifting.

Even when I'm not in front of the computer, when I'm task shifting, it feels like it's taking me, it's [00:04:00] creating more noise in my brain because when I see an email, when I'm out and about, if I don't respond to that email, I carry that with me all day long. Don't forget to respond to so and so, right? Yeah.

And so I just did some really deeper thinking about this and I realized that that story I've been telling myself. The feelings I've been having, like that feeling of, at some level, feeling like a failure, right? It's not like I, I consciously said I feel like a failure. I recognize that I'm saying that, but as I thought about, I realized that's what I've been telling myself, and this is what we talk about with Mindset Work's.

Really getting to the thoughts you're having at the deeper level and kind of unraveling what's going on in your life. I just realized, you know what? I need to set better boundaries with this phone. I'm in total control of that, right? I'm in total control of how often I pick up the phone, right? How often I, I, I check my email, so I just decided I needed to set some boundaries around it to try to see if my, if I feel more at [00:05:00] peace in my mind.

Throughout my day and if I can get more done without all the constant task shifting. Right, 

Jodi: right. 

Judy: I just set up a few boundaries. 

Jodi: Yeah, around. Well it's so interesting 'cause I think we've talked about this. I mean, not that many years ago, we didn't carry a phone around with us everywhere we went. 

Judy: I remember those days 

Jodi: we didn't play games, you know, in our downtime.

We didn't do any of those things. And it's funny you bring this up because the phone has been a thing for me lately, and I have been trying to set boundaries. And somewhat unintentionally, I think I, I got, I found myself just feeling like. I don't wanna be on all the time. And so I have, I started just setting my phone down.

Like if I leave a room, I set it down, I don't need to carry it into the other room with me. And what happens is when I come back, I don't, I forget to pick it up. So I might come sit down at my desk and work a few hours and I don't have my phone anywhere near me. Well, what's caused, it's caused a little bit of a problem because my children have tried to reach [00:06:00] me many times and I don't answer the phone.

So now it's the, the running joke that mom never answers her phone. And so there, I guess there has to be this balance there. But, you know, I don't think that's unhealthy and it's never an emergency. Obviously, if it was an emergency, I would want to have my phone accessible and they would find a way to reach me.

It really isn't. But I do think, you know. Setting those boundaries around that, because you're right, it's the first thing you grab when you wake up. Yep. It's the last thing you put away when you go to bed at night, and I'm the kind of person that just am a bit fragmented anyway. I always have a million things going on.

So if I'm sitting and trying to watch a TV show, I'm playing a game on my phone or I'm checking my email. Wow. Or I'm sending, I'm texting or I'm doing whatever. And so I find myself it is an addiction. Like you totally get addicted to it, but it doesn't, it does make you feel. I feel frazzled often because I have too many things going on at one time, and I don't think that's good for [00:07:00] anybody's mental health.

Judy: No. 

Jodi: You know? So I have to find the balance between setting it down and leaving it, or maybe just communicating with my family. That during these hours, I'm not gonna have my phone next to me. And then trying to stick with some, some kind of a schedule almost. 

Judy: Yes, yes. 

Jodi: And of course, if I'm taking a break or whatever and I can walk bike, I can check it.

But I've even gotten to where I'm forgetting to do that. So I will go full day sometimes and not even touch my phone. It's, 

Judy: yeah, 

Jodi: it's caused a little bit of a problem because everybody's used to mom responding. 

Judy: Yeah. So well setting, setting boundaries that are in balance, right? I think is what you're talking about is, yeah.

Letting people know or just setting, setting things up that strike a balance in your life, but between the need to be reached and to reach others and the need to have some spaciousness in the mind. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: I think this, the, the way this ties back to mindset is that sometimes we have to set boundaries right in our lives to be able to achieve the mindset that we want to be [00:08:00] able to control what we can control so that we.

Are in this place of more peace and you know, productivity or whatever it is that we're trying to achieve, right? Mm-hmm. 

Jodi: Yeah. Well, and your, your example of the sauna. I mean, how many times like I go into a sauna and I think about that as going in just to kind of relax and to Yes. Like think and, you know, not have to be doing anything else, and then you're turning that moment of relaxation into work.

Or even if they're playing or just texting or whatever, it's like we've just lost the ability to. Do nothing and to to let go of that and be disconnected and be present. Yeah. My biggest pet peeve is when I go out to dinner. Especially if I'm with people and they pick up their phones while we are at dinner, or I look around the restaurant and every couple you see or everybody is on their phone.

It's like, that just can't be good for your mindset and your ability to learn how [00:09:00] to be present for people. And it does, it keeps that cycle of everything that we have going on moving, because as long as you're looking, you're staying on, you're, you're trying to stay on top of things and you just can't.

So being able to put it. Away and set it down, it's all gonna still be there. Those emails will be there tomorrow. Yes. They'll be there in two hours, three hours, whatever. If somebody really needs to reach you, there are many other ways they can reach you, you know? Absolutely. So, yeah, it's, it That's an interesting one.

Yeah. I think it's, it's gotten the better of most people these days. Yeah. 

Judy: So I, I had to, I, I meet with a coach who I work with, coaches have coaches too, right. And. I meet with her once a month. So we met last week and I brought this up to her. I said, I need to set better boundaries. It's really hard for me because I like my phone.

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: And so working with her, I was able to come up with a plan for what those boundaries look like. You wanna hear what they are? 

Jodi: Yes. I wanna hear 

Judy: it. Okay. So first one is I deleted some of the more, you know, I call 'em Las Vegas game [00:10:00] apps because they're the ones with the bright flashy line. Yes. You know, and like the super dopamine, right?

Like, 

Jodi: yeah, 

Judy: okay. Lost that time. Let me try again. I'm gonna win this next time. I know it right? Yeah. And so I, I deleted those 'cause they weren't really serving. I don't, and I, I can do other things that are more fun than that. And they were really just creating more problems than they were worse. So I deleted those and then I decided that I was going to check email.

Four times a day, but only when I'm in front of my computer. 'cause what was happening is I was checking them at the grocery store or wherever I was out and about. I don't respond to email on my phone, just I don't feel comfortable doing that. So then it would be noise in my brain, 

Jodi: right? Which is causing 

Judy: more fragmentation for me.

So I only check it four times a day. And that's plenty, right? Yeah. You shouldn't need to check it more than four times a day. Right. And I've been doing that. And the other thing is, no phone in bed. Ooh. Big one. 

Jodi: Yeah, that's 

Judy: a big one. It's a big one. Right? So I've been doing that. So what I've been doing instead is, you know, finding a replacement habit that I like better in bed, which is reading.[00:11:00] 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: You know, lots of books I don't read enough because so much time on my phone. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: Right. And other things in life. And so I read for however long I'm gonna read until I feel tired, and then I go to sleep. And then when I get up in the morning, no phone in bed. So you know what that means. I have to get my lazy butt out of bed.

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: In order to get on the phone. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: So then I'm checking email or you know, on my laptop after I wake up or I'm using my phone, checking my texts after I've fully gotten outta bed and started my day rather than doing that and getting on the app and, and doing lots of other things that I don't really need to do in bed.

So those are the, the small things I put now texting, 'cause I have teenage sons. I can text, I can look at texts and respond to texts anytime I want during the day. I didn't put a boundary around that because I need to be available because they're young and need stuff. Yeah, from me. So texting I can do immediately.

So it's not fragmentation, it's not, you know, as much anyhow, it's not. You know, creating more noise in my brain. [00:12:00] So texting is fine, but when I'm stopped the stoplight, I now engage with mindfulness. Remember the PQ reps? 

Jodi: Yes. 

Judy: What I do, so PQ reps for anyone who doesn't know are from the Positive Intelligence Program, they're just many meditations that we can do basically anywhere.

So at a stoplight, when I might get bored quickly, 'cause that's how my brain works now and pick up my phone and start looking at stuff. Now I use, I engage with a mini meditation, a PQ rep. Looking at a color that's in front of me, so I'm still aware when the light turns green or whatnot, I need to move, but I'm focusing with just exquisite attention to detail on the color of something about the car in front of me.

Right? Yeah. Whether it's light displayed or the, or something that, you know, in a truck that you know they're hauling. I focus on the leaves, on the trees, whatever it is, one color, and just really, really look at it and really look at all the different intensities within that color that is being present.

And mindful, right? 

Jodi: Yes. And 

Judy: safe. Safe. And [00:13:00] this is where we, we are happiest as human beings is when we're in the present. And so I'm trying to replace the habit of, you know, going to the phone when I have downtime to those few minutes of just being present. What's going on around me? 

Jodi: So how long have you been using these boundaries and has it worked?

Have you noticed a difference? 

Judy: Well, um, this is like the third day. Okay. So it's very, very recent. So I will report back next time we meet up. Okay. I'll report back. But I, I do feel good about it. Like I, I don't feel like I am, you know how sometimes she'll set boundaries or numerous resolutions and you feel kind of like, gosh, I wish I could still do X, Y, z.

I don't feel that way at all. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: I don't feel like I'm losing anything. 

Jodi: Good. 

Judy: I feel like I'm gaining so in that way, it's been a good shift for me to try this. Yeah, and also what I said to my coach is, I'm going to treat this as an experiment. I'm gonna try this for a month. See how I feel. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: And if I don't like it or it's too hard, I'll go back to the way it was before [00:14:00] because I don't like to deal with absolutes in my, my life.

You know, there's a lot of gray area. And so looking at changing habits as an experiment really works for me. This is how I became a vegetarian at 18. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: And I said, I'm gonna give the meat for one week and see how I. 

Jodi: Yeah, 

Judy: and I didn't miss it. So, you know, that's how it starts, 

Jodi: right? 

Judy: Anyhow, that's what works for me when I am, you know, creating new habits and setting boundaries.

But I just thought, you know, this is very, very related to mindset. 

Jodi: Yeah, it absolutely is. 

Judy: Our lives, 

Jodi: well, it's funny, just since I started kind of setting my phone down and. It kind of started out accidentally, and then I noticed that I was doing it more and I was more conscious about like leaving my phone in another room, kind of ignoring it all together.

Uhhuh. And as much as my children have given me a hard time, I remind them that it wasn't that long ago that they were always complaining that I was always on my phone. So you really can't win. But I, I will say, I, I have this sense of like, accomplishment. Like [00:15:00] when, when one of them says, mom, I've been trying to call you all day.

As soon as I know it was emergency, I actually feel good. I'm like, you know what? That's okay. I don't need to be accessible to everybody 24 7. 

Judy: Right. 

Jodi: I just don't, because that's a lot of pressure and it just feels kind of good to know that you have that control over that one little part of your life.

Like I can control. When I respond and how it affects me, like what I'm reading and how I'm seeing it and when I'm seeing it. Like it just gives you a good sense of control. So 

Judy: yeah, 

Jodi: I'm all in. 

Judy: I love that too. So I think when we look at takeaways from what we're talking about, you know, sometimes the point of mindset work is simply this.

To pause long enough to notice what's running you. Right. And when life feels noisy and fast, our minds might default to familiar stories like I'm behind or I'm not doing enough, or, Hey, I'm not good enough, which is what I was thinking. And we [00:16:00] act accordingly on autopilot. When we get that, when we have those, that kind of mindset, the moment we slow down and get curious, why am I feeling this way?

What's going on? We create space to see the truth that can lead to healthier boundaries. 

Jodi: And you become more intentional. 

Judy: Yes. 

Jodi: You know? Yeah. You're doing things for a reason and purposely versus just responding. 

Judy: Mm-hmm. 

Jodi: And reacting. 

Judy: Absolutely. Yeah. 

Jodi: Yeah. That's good. Well, let's, let's leave you, everybody with this reflection.

So think about where you might feel friction in your life right now, and what are you telling yourself about it? Is there a way you could maybe set a boundary that would help with that messaging and change it? 

Judy: Yeah. Excellent. 

Jodi: Okay, well that's it for today. Thanks for listening in. If you like this podcast, please give us a five star rating and share.

We appreciate it. 

Judy: We'll catch you next time. 

Jodi: Thanks for listening to In Your Head. If you enjoyed this episode, [00:17:00] please share it with someone you think may benefit. Give us a like or a positive review and subscribe to follow us. 

Judy: We hope you continue to tune in and join us as a loyal mindset warrior.